Final Reflection
Dolleen Wiltgen
6/30/10
I have learned so much about inquiry and research since attending KMWP. For one thing, I realized I am a teacher researcher! I have credibility and I have a voice that people want to hear! All the research reading, reflection, experimenting, and data analysis I’d been doing in my pursuit of becoming a better teacher is what a teacher research does and I didn’t even realize it! The assignment to create a demo was like reaching the summit for me in this mountain climb I’d been on when learning how to do and teach math in a way that would reduce mathematics anxiety and increase mathematics comprehension for myself and my students. All the pieces of the puzzle fell into place as I obsessively worked to write the narrative and synthesize the research for my demo. I gained such clarity about what I had been doing, why it worked, and how my data was supporting what I had been doing and observing. I’m leaving the summer institute with greater confidence as a math teacher and greater understanding of the value that I can add to the math teaching field as I continue to learn more, record my growth and reflections, and analyze my data. I am now thoroughly convinced that even though I might teach differently than other math teachers, I am on the right path with my teaching. This has been a needed and good activity for me to experience. Because I teach differently than a lot of teachers who teach math, I needed this experience to gain the confidence that being different is okay. In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s a good thing! KMWP taught me that!
I have learned that as a writer, writing doesn’t always come easily. I think I know what I want to say. I think I understand something until I have to put it into words. But, then it takes a while to really think it through before I can get the words to really represent what I am thinking and wanting to communicate. This experience has taught me to help guide my students through this process, not judging immediately that they do or don’t understand something fully, but instead I should respond with questions to help guide the student toward the thoughts that will help him/her find the words they might be searching for. I’m very, very appreciative to have had this experience in the summer institute. I couldn’t begin to place a value on it. I’m continuing to learn as thoughts started in the classes continue to be processed in my mind. This has truly been a gift that keeps on giving to have received this privilege to attend this class.
I never really liked collaborating on writing when I was a student in college. It wasn’t something that I remember doing in my high school days. In college it basically meant I was helping other students write their papers because there weren’t clear expectations and guidelines for how to interact. However, at KMWP, I learned the effective way to interact, give feedback and gain insight into my own writing. The experience brought much needed confidence to me as a writer, and the support of the fellows was incredible to experience! It was as if they were “the wing beneath my wings” on so many occasions. Instead of feeling like I wanted to be invisible, I felt as if I was becoming stronger as a writer BECAUSE of their guidance and support. THIS is what collaboration in the writing process is supposed to feel like, look like, and do for writers. NOW I can bring this back to the classroom where I teach. NOW I can provide my students with clear expectations and guidelines for how to interact so they can gain the same amazing experience with collaboration during the writing process. Again, I’m so grateful for this learning experience.
6/30/10 Reflection
Today we shared writing with our small group and large group. I love listening to the words that others write. The writers in this class write with such authentically, raw emotion that I am moved. I’ve cried so much at home while writing during this class. It has shown me that this is a good tool for helping my children learn how to connect their actions to emotions and make connections to their emotions. This is a skill that fourth graders struggle to learn. Recognizing that their behavior has an affect on others and themselves is a new concept for many of them. I will definitely be using writing to help them make this connection.
Language
Language is like a tree. Growth is so slow and steady that at any specific moment it appears that no growth is occurring at all. Then, suddenly it seems, you look and just cannot believe how much growth has occurred! “When did that happen?” you ask with a stunned look. “How did that happen?” you inquire with sincere wonderment. Language grew, slow and steady, just like a tree.
Language is like a river. When there is a rich environment full of hot and cold temperatures, beautiful and frightening clouds, and bright sun and darkness, the rain pours onto the ground forming strong, flowing rivers. When life full of ups and downs, good and bad, and birth and death, language is needed and used to pour out the feelings of the soul. Language is like a river.
Language is like a building. The foundation is taught first. Pictures are translated into words. Words are connected to make sentences. The structure is created next. Sentences are connected to create paragraphs. Paragraphs are connected to create stories. Finally the finishing touches are needed. Editing takes place and the piece is polished. The building is complete. Language is like a building.
I Am A Teacher…
I am a teacher doing a penance.
Four years ago, during my college graduation ceremony, the commencement speaker said that as graduating teachers we were beginning our penance. This statement struck me as strange, but, as I often do, I didn’t take time to process those words.
After the ceremony, while talking with my son, he curiously asked, “Mom, why did that person say you were going to be doing a penance? Did your class do something wrong?” I gave him a puzzled look and shrugged because I really wasn’t sure what that comment meant.
I have now completed my fourth year as a teacher. And, if you are a teacher too, I’m sure you are shaking your head with a smirk on your face as I say, “I am no longer puzzled about what that graduation speaker meant!”
I am a teacher doing a penance.
A penance is often referred to as demonstrating extreme self-discipline, such as fasting. With the many unforeseen interruptions in my day, I often don’t take time to eat breakfast. Frequently, because I have to answer parent emails and phone calls; attend IEP, EIP, and parent conferences and team meetings during my planning time that runs into my lunch time, I eat a snack on the run and call it lunch! And, if, after a long day of dealing with outrageous expectations on very little food, my choice to eat supper depends on me having to cook it, then it’s just not going to happen! While my fasting may not be as honorable as a monk making a determined choice not to eat, I believe I can say that I am doing a teacher’s version of fasting!
I am a teacher doing a penance.
A penance is often related to celibacy. For fear of providing you with too much information, let me just say that after a day of eating snacks on the run, dealing with helicopter parents, entitled children, unreasonable expectations on little pay and long hours, I’m rarely in the mood for anything other than a hot bubble bath, tall glass of chilled wine, and time alone! Again, while my celibacy is not as honorable as a nun deliberately choosing to abstain, I am definitely demonstrating the teacher’s version of celibacy!
I am a teacher doing a penance.
A penance is said to be a time of self-denial. Self-denial: these past four teaching years have provided me with a whole new definition and appreciation for this term. Let’s take that word apart for clarity. The first part is self: who is that? I have such fond memories of time spent with her, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen her. I miss her terribly. The second part is denial: my state of mind on most days! I’m totally in denial about my ability to complete all the tasks that need to be done on this job. Self-denial, I am under your spell. The phrase me time is NOT in my vocabulary these days. Any free time I have I immediately hand over to self-denial so that I can accomplish one more thing to help my students learn, make a lesson a little more fun, or, God forbid, pick up that pile of dirty clothes that I’ve been stepping over for more than a week! Mother Teresa I am not. She was an honorable, emotionally healthy example of self-denial. However, I do believe I am demonstrating the teacher’s version of self-denial with perfection.
I am a teacher doing a penance.
A penance is associated with saints and sinners, doing honorable deeds and actions to maintain or gain their place in heaven. I do not claim to be a saint, and try to avoid announcing to the parents of the children I teach that I’m a sinner. However, I do work long hours preparing lessons that will engage my students so that they will find learning fun and want to become life long learners. I spend money my husband continually reminds me that I don’t have on supplies and books to help my students find success in the classroom. My goal is not to gain a place in heaven, but I am convinced that anyone who has ever done this job has earned that right without question.
I am simply a teacher doing a penance, because that’s what teachers do.
At KMWP I’ve learned….
AT KMWP, I’ve learned being different is a good thing.
I am different.
I am the only math teacher in a writing class with wonderful, whimsical writing teachers.
I teach differently.
I use writing as a primary learning tool when teaching my students marvelous, mind-boggling math.
I make a difference.
My students like and understand math, some for the first time! I read comments about this in their math writing.
I feel differently.
Since attending KMWP, my confidence has increased and my drive to learn more is fueled by an unending stream of new ideas.
I am different.
And I will keep striving to be different.
Because, at KMWP, I’ve learned being different is a good thing.
6/28/10 Reflection
Today we heard a demo that was so engaging about how to incorporate music into the writing process. I am one of those rare “not musical” people. However, I also like to include all types of learners into my lessons. But, I’ve been challenged in knowing how to include the musical learners in my lessons as a result of the fact that I am so “not musical.” Today, my problem got solved! I’m so excited! Now I understand how to go about including this learning style into my classroom with ease. Even better, in the process I can have a pathway into learning more about my students by reading about the types of artists they like and why they have chosen those artists. This was a very beneficial demo for me, Ms. “Not Musical”!
We also shared book club readings today. I feel that I have become sort of out of balance being a math teacher. I am not as in touch with youth books as I want to be and now see I should be. These books offer me many opportunities to engage the emotional temperature of the students in my classrooms. I also offer my students to come back to my classroom and eat lunch with me every day. We’ve been watching movies during this time. I’m thinking now that I might use this time as a read aloud time and include some of the chapter books I’ve learned about in book club sessions as the books we read. I see this as another avenue of sharing the teaching and learning time with my students.
6/25/10
Today we had three great demos. The first was about creating an activity to generate ideas for argumentative essays. In my math class I can use this activity in a couple of ways: asking students whether they agree or disagree with a math proof, or asking students how they feel about math.
The second demo was about using picture books as a model for writing that is focused on a topic. Not only did I connect with how to address the SPED students’ needs in my classroom, but I also got ideas for how to use picture books to introduce project based learning in my math classroom.
Finally, the last demo was about using metaphores and poetry to engage writers. I think I could use metaphore writing to have students answer questions such as: Math is….. This would be a fun way to get insight about how students feel about math.
I also enjoyed my working lunch with Kristen. It was refreshing to get out of the building today and go to a different environment while we discussed what we’d learned and how we could apply it in our classrooms when we return to the classroom.
6/24/10
I LOVED the presentation this morning by Nini and Kathleen about plays. I see lots of potential to incorporate this kind of writing in my math classroom. I can create plays with gaps of conceptual knowledge and have the children re-write the play or create it into a comic strip and correct the conceptual knowledge.
I LOVED the idea of the tag and having students share their “selves” (thoughts and feelings) this way. I am always looking for ideas to generate a sense of community in my classroom, to make it a safe learning environment where students dare to risk going to that vulnerable place that learning happens. I think this is a fun activity that will provide a pathway to creating a safe learning environment.
Thank you, KMWP fellows, for continuing to give me outstanding ideas.
